


We Fall

by Walker_August



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, friends who might love each other, or maybe unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22948723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walker_August/pseuds/Walker_August
Summary: Anon requested the following prompts for Javi, but I can’t follow prompts to save my life so it’s not quite what you asked for:I called you at 2am because I need youI’m scared but won’t admit it so you take my hand
Relationships: Javier Peña/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	We Fall

Fear.

When you’re working for the American government in Colombia, fear becomes less the thing that keeps you up at night and more something that you thrive upon. Fear of pain, of failure, of death. Fear of losing what you love. One day, eventually, the fear shifts from this constant scorching heat to a static ball of electricity in your soul that keeps you moving.

But even so, in a place so dangerous and unpredictable, that electricity can still charge and jolt you to your core – reminding you of it’s ever-gracing presence. 

This is one of those moments. 

It’s not about you, not at all. Perhaps you’d feel less dread if it were. But it’s him - the one person in this rotting, stifling place who you’ve ever been able to really depend on. The only person who really knows you here, who you can trust. The man who lets you cry on his couch at 3am, knowing your pain even through his own liquor and smoke induced haze. The man you love.

Javier.

With Medellín at it’s worst, Escobar ruling over it with a reign of never-ceasing terror, the Colombian army are planning a risky operation. Of course the US demands involvement, let us send our best at the DEA the ambassador insists. Let us send Murphy and Peña on this suicide mission.

You haven’t heard much more of the briefing, unable to fully understand anything after the ambassador tells you they’ll be leaving tomorrow and you’re staying behind. The three of you sit there, them looking calm and collected, and all you want to do is scream about how stupid this plan is. About wasting good men, the best men, on some hopeless power struggle. Instead you clench your fists under the desk and feel your body tense as you try to keep your emotions in check.

This isn’t right. He deserves better, they both do, than to be gunned down on the streets of Medellín. And it’s so stupid because they both want it, seeing it as nothing more than a chance to catch at least some of Escobar’s men if not the man himself. The weight heavy on your chest is that trepidation you had been doing so well to live with, now smothering you until your breath feels shallow.

Your thoughts are interrupted with the soft pat of a hand against your thigh, almost making you jump. He’s still listening intently but there lies his hand, palm up – an invitation. You let yours fall in to his, fingers intertwining slowly. His skin is so warm, softer than you even remember, and when he squeezes your hand reassuringly you feel some of the weight lifting away. Stroking his thumb against your skin, the simple action tells you that Javier knows you better than you ever thought – he sees you in a way no one else really has – letting you know that he’s there and it’s okay.

In a different situation, right now would be the moment you finally kiss him. 

–

The small gesture that Javier made, that hint of affection and protection he showed you, gets you through to the end of the day but the minute you’re alone again that vicious despair attacks once more. Instead of letting you sleep, your brain whirs with every terrible thing it can show you. Every operation gone wrong, all the dead bodies you’ve had to see since coming here. 

The problem with Javier is that even though he’s intelligent and experienced, he’s also too headstrong for his own good, not reckless so much as determined to see it through no matter the risk to his life. You’ve seen it before, been through it before – not just with him but previous partners who compromise their own safety for the glory of reaching an almost impossible goal. It’s what makes him good at his job, Javier will do anything to succeed. Selfishly, you wish that wasn’t true but only because you never felt so much like you needed him to be alive as you do now. 

At 2am, you abandon the vague comfort of your bed to wander the flat aimlessly – unsure of what to do with yourself. The abandoned books on your coffee table don’t take your fancy, neither does the half-empty bottle of tequila. Instead you chose to be selfish, to be your own form of reckless as you pull on a sweater and make to leave your apartment. But when you’re barely a foot from the door, the light rapping on it stops you in your tracks.

There he is, when you open the door, the very man you’d been about to seek out. His dishevelled hair and bleary eyes tell you he’s also been trying to sleep – for once – but the smell of alcohol on him makes you think he’s been awake a while longer than you have.

“Javi. Are you-” opening the door to him he enters quickly, unsure for just a moment and then he’s right there in front of you and gathering you in his arms. Surrounding, pulling you close to him with one hand against the small of your back and the other on the back of your head, telling you to lean in to him.

For what could be hours, but is likely a couple minutes, you stand like that in silence. He smells of old smoke and vaguely of cinnamon, somehow so comforting as you breathe him in shakily. He’s held you before, but something about this moment feels different. A press of his lips to your forehead has you clutching at him, hanging on to him like he’s your last hope in the world. Maybe he is.

“You know I’m coming back, right?” Javier whispers, breath hot where it brushes against your hair

“Javi...it’s...there’s so much that could go wrong...I don’t-” you stumble for words, still left startled by his tender embrace.

“I know you’re scared for me, but I’m not leaving you. I promise”

He knows. He knows and he’s always known; what you need, who you are, everything you want. In spite of what he might call his cold-heartedness, the man who has you enveloped in his arms has a predisposition to care so much. An instinct, when it comes to you. Even if it isn’t love to him, it’s more intimacy and endearment than either of you ever thought you deserved.

“You can’t promise that, Javi. You don’t know what’s going to happen out there. Just...be safe...don’t be an idiot” 

Pulling back slightly, you look up at him. He doesn’t feel the fear any more, not really. It’s been so long now he’s far past it, so when you look in his eyes you see only that warmth and steadfastness that you’ve come to know of him. It does something to help you.

He leans down slightly and presses his forehead to yours when he speaks again.

“Listen to me. No one knows what’s going to happen, you’re right. But do you really think I’d finally find my person, and then go and get myself killed? I want years and years with you, and you know how stubborn I am”

You both laugh, just slightly and only for a moment but it shifts the atmosphere and when he finally unwraps himself from you, you find tears on your face that aren’t from terror of losing him but joy of having him with you.

“I promise” he tells you once more, hand squeezing yours just like earlier. Giving you something to keep you afloat against the sea of anguish that his absence will surely still bring.

If his life ends tomorrow riddled with bullet holes, then you will spend every remaining moment of your life hollow, broken. That is the fear. And perhaps fear is ruler in this place, but somehow now you know the heart is stronger even than that. 

And Javier is your heart.


End file.
